Is that an iPad 2?

To promote the new book, Penguin Publishing is giving away an iPad 2. Obviously they think the only way I am going to sell books is to give away prizes which is a bit sad. Click here for details and to enter.



Excerpts From
Justin Bieber's Book

“People write to me and say, ‘I’m giving up, you never write back.’ I just write them a simple message like, ‘Never give up,’ you know? And it changes their life. I try to read all of my fan mail. A lot of them send me candy, which I'm not allowed to eat 'cause my mom says it might be poisonous."

"Usher rang me and was like 'Hey bro what you doing?' and I was like 'nothing bro, what you doing?' and he was like 'cutting some tracks, do you want to come over bro?' so my mum dropped me off at his house and we took ecstacy and watched the movie White Chicks."

"At 9am each day, I have a fresh puppy delivered to my hotel room and I kick it."

"I have a conjoined twin on my stomach. Identical to me in every way, except for only being eight inches tall, his name is Carl. Sometimes, I cover Carl with a hanky. Everyone needs a little time to themselves. Like when I am having a bath or watching women's tennis."

"I don't know what I would be doing if I wasn't a famous singer. I would probably be a male model. I have experience. When I was younger, I often stayed with my uncle Trevor and he would give me twenty dollars to run through the sprinkler while he took photos for his website."

"I once stabbed a prostitute to death."

Squirrel Satisfaction Comparison




10 Things Better Than Justin Bieber's Book

Ovarian Cancer
The movie White Chicks
Eight Spiders


What Ed the Impartial and Courteous Robot Has To Say About The Two Books

Hello. You are looking well. I like that shirt. While I am sure both books have their merits, based on the content, I would suggest buying David's book. Take your time deciding though. There is no rush.

Were my exact words when my editor at Penguin told me he had registered the name helpmesellmorebooksthanjustinbieber.com and wanted me to fill it with text. "Stuff about Justin Bieber's book and why people should buy yours instead. You know, stuff about how bad his is."
Concerned that their entire marketing plan might consist of "it's better than Justin Bieber's," I asked "Justin Bieber? This is your marketing plan?" and was told, "No, we are doing all the normal stuff. I just hate that little shit. When you are putting it together, make sure you add some graphs. People like graphs."
I personally have nothing against Justin Bieber. I haven't seen him in anything but I am sure he is a fine actor. It is easy to criticise which is probably why I am so experienced. If it requires little effort, count me in if there isn't anything good on television.
I'd like to think that Justin and I would get along quite amicably under normal circustances but if we were both shipwrecked, washed ashore on a small desert island, and had to fight over a single can of peaches, I would get the peaches.



Yes I have. The chart below illustrates the subjects covered in each book. It is only a small cross section as I ran out of room and couldn't include Battlestar Gallactica, Static Electricity or Building Forts, even with the angled type.





Not everything has to be about you. You get the book. At $14.95, you can't complain. That is $26.37 cheaper than Justin Bieber's book and mine doesn't contain twelve chapters about my hair. Only two. My book is also bigger. With more stuff in it. Better stuff. Don't take my word for it though, here's what the critics have to say about the two books:

David Thorne's The Internet is a Playground Tarcher Penguin
"This book cured my cancer. It was pretty bad cancer too. Cancer of the eyes or something. I had my doubts that this book would be as scientifically magic as the cover claimed but I was wrong. It is a pretty big book too. Much bigger than Justin Bieber's. With more stuff in it. Better stuff. About robots."
Robert Andstand, The New York Times

Justin Bieber's 240 Pages about my Hair Harper Collins
"Literature is by definition, simply that which can be read. Not a whole lot is required to meet that basic definition, but this book somehow manages to avoid it. Even though with some effort one can probably mouth the words that the letters form, it is still a far cry from being readable. The pictures are nice though."
Richard Chese, The Washington Post



Yes, I have quite a few.



Good. This saves me from having to come up with a convincing argument. Especially since Bieber's book has a much better cover than mine. When my publisher showed me the final cover for my book, I thought he was having a laugh. The blue flash in the top right hand corner looks like it has been done by a child. With Palsy. Also, people will probably point and say, "Hey, there's that seven legged spider - welcome to the Internet... two years ago." which is quite hurtful. I have written quite a bit since the spider exchange. Mostly about cats because everyone loves cats.
Some of what I write gets posted on my website but there is a lot more in the book. Not all of it is gold though, with 368 pages to fill, it was a bit of a task. I ran out of material on page 346 so the last 22 pages contain only photographs of me wearing t-shirts. I don't own very many t-shirts so quite a few of the photos are duplicated. It comes with a free telescope. Here is part of an email exchange with my editor regarding the cover:

From: Michael Solana
Date: Wednesday 9 Feb 2011 12.18pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Book cover
Hello David,
Cover has been sent up from the art department. Looks fantastic. I have attached a pdf. Looking forward to hearing your thoughts.

From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 9 Feb 2011 1.02pm
To: Michael Solana
Subject: Re: Book cover
Good one. Looking forward to seeing the real thing.

From: Michael Solana
Date: Wednesday 9 Feb 2011 1.34pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Book cover
That is the real cover. What part are you unhappy about?

From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 9 Feb 2011 1.47pm
To: Michael Solana
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Book cover
Firstly, people will point at the cover and say, "Hey, there's that seven legged spider. Welcome to the internet... two years ago." Also, the blue flash looks like it has been done by a child. With Palsy. Secondly, I was hoping it would have my name in large bold letters, possibly embossed with some kind of sun flare behind it. And a photo of me like Justin Bieber has on his cover. Probably without a top on though. I can send you several from a recent trip to the beach if you like.

From: Michael Solana
Date: Wednesday 9 Feb 2011 2.17pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Book cover
That won't be necessary. We are not changing the cover
and the blue flash stays.


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377 Excellent Reasons To Buy David Thorne's Book

A free telescope
368 pages containing the complete collection from 27bslash6.com - including Missing Missy, the 7 legged Spider, Simon's Pie Charts and George the Rocket Scientist - plus over thirty articles not available anywhere else.
Eight puppies


In Stores April 28 Order Now

"There is usually a fine line between genius and insanity, but in this case it has become very blurred. Some of the funniest and most clever writing I have read in years." WIRED Magazine

"Brilliantly funny.”
Jezebel.com

“I laughed so hard and uncontrollably I could hardly breathe. Reading this on public transport is not a good idea.”
Penthouse Magazine

"One of my favourite things in the world right now.” The Guardian


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