Is that an iPad 2?
To promote the new book, Penguin Publishing is giving away an iPad 2. Obviously they think the only way I am going to sell books is to give away prizes which is a bit sad. Click here for details and to enter.
Excerpts From
Justin Bieber's Book
“People write to me and say, ‘I’m giving up, you never write back.’ I just write them a simple message like, ‘Never give up,’ you know? And it changes their life. I try to read all of my fan mail. A lot of them send me candy, which I'm not allowed to eat 'cause my mom says it might be poisonous.""Usher rang me and was like 'Hey bro what you doing?' and I was like 'nothing bro, what you doing?' and he was like 'cutting some tracks, do you want to come over bro?' so my mum dropped me off at his house and we took ecstacy and watched the movie White Chicks."
"At 9am each day, I have a fresh puppy delivered to my hotel room and I kick it."
"I have a conjoined twin on my stomach. Identical to me in every way, except for only being eight inches tall, his name is Carl. Sometimes, I cover Carl with a hanky. Everyone needs a little time to themselves. Like when I am having a bath or watching women's tennis."
"I don't know what I would be doing if I wasn't a famous singer. I would probably be a male model. I have experience. When I was younger, I often stayed with my uncle Trevor and he would give me twenty dollars to run through the sprinkler while he took photos for his website."
"I once stabbed a prostitute to death."
Squirrel Satisfaction Comparison
10 Things Better Than Justin Bieber's Book
Ovarian CancerThe movie White Chicks
Eight Spiders
What Ed the Impartial and Courteous Robot Has To Say About The Two Books
Hello. You are looking well. I like that shirt. While I am sure both books have their merits, based on the content, I would suggest buying David's book. Take your time deciding though. There is no rush.
Date: Thursday 31 March 2011 12.37pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: No Subject
Did you draw Justin Biebers face on all the images in my stock images folder and save them over my files?
From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 31 March 2011 12.44pm
To: Simon Dempsey
Subject: Re: No Subject
Yes.
From: Simon Dempsey
Date: Thursday 31 March 2011 12.49pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: No Subject
What the fuck for? What are you even doing in my files?
From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 31 March 2011 12.56pm
To: Simon Dempsey
Subject: Re: Re: Re: No Subject
I didn't think you would notice. I am meant to be laying out a business card for a client so was looking for a distraction and realised I can open and save files from your computer over the network.
From: Simon Dempsey
Date: Thursday 31 March 2011 1.05pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: No Subject
But what did you put Justin Biebers face on them for dickhead? I was going to use them for something.
From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 31 March 2011 1.12pm
To: Simon Dempsey
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: No Subject
You can still use them. Justin Bieber is very popular.
From: Simon Dempsey
Date: Thursday 31 March 2011 1.27pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: No Subject
Stay off my computer and you better have a backup of the original images. Do you have a backup?
From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 31 March 2011 1.31pm
To: Simon Dempsey
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: No Subject
No.
From: Simon Dempsey
Date: Thursday 31 March 2011 1.43pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: No Subject
Right dickhead. I'm making a formal complaint.
Current Sales Stats
Graph supplied by NASA
377 Excellent Reasons To Buy David Thorne's Book
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"There is usually a fine line between genius and insanity, but in this case it has become very blurred. Some of the funniest and most clever writing I have read in years."
WIRED Magazine"Brilliantly funny.”
Jezebel.com“I laughed so hard and uncontrollably I could hardly breathe. Reading this on public transport is not a good idea.”
Penthouse Magazine
"One of my favourite things in the world right now.” The Guardian
